In the emotional aftermath of Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss’s tragic death, his widow, Allison Holker, uncovered secrets that reshaped her understanding of the man she loved.
Following the tragic suicide of her husband, renowned dancer Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss, in December 2022, Allison Holker discovered a side of him that had remained hidden throughout their marriage. Delving into his belongings, she unearthed a shocking collection of substances, including mushrooms and unknown pills, tucked away in his closet. ‘I was with one of my really dear friends, and we were cleaning out the closet and picking out an outfit for him for the funeral,’ Allison shared in a candid interview. This discovery unveiled the profound struggle her husband had kept from her, shedding light on the depth of his addiction.
Allison recalled the difficulty of these revelations as she pieced together the fragments of her husband’s secret life. His journals hinted at a painful history of sexual abuse by a male figure during his childhood. ‘He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and cope with all those feelings because he didn’t want to put it on anyone,’ she explained, describing his reluctance to burden those he loved with his pain.
Despite his use of marijuana, which he smoked in their guest house after their children were asleep, Allison was unaware of the extent of his broader substance use until after his death. This lack of knowledge highlighted not only Stephen’s internalized shame but also the emotional distance that can exist even in close relationships. Through reading Stephen’s journals and exploring the books he annotated, Allison found a deeper empathy for him, recognizing the intense loneliness he faced.
Finding solace in the help of friends and loved ones, Allison has moved forward by addressing her own feelings. ‘It was really hard to put all the pieces together,’ she admitted, noting how discussions with friends and reading his journals unveiled a childhood Stephen had never fully confronted. ‘It’s hard to think that he never opened up to someone and wanted to face it, to get through on the other side,’ she reflected.
The tragic loss and subsequent discoveries inspired Allison to pen her memoir, ‘This Far,’ slated for release on February 4. In it, she hopes to reach others suffering in silence and encourage them to step out of the shadows. ‘I’ve learned that mental health can impact anyone at any time of their life,’ she said, emphasizing that even those who appear full of light may be grappling with darkness.
Allison Holker’s journey through grief and discovery presents a poignant reminder of the unseen struggles that many face. Through her experience, she aims to shine a light on the importance of transparency and seeking help, underscoring that no one should suffer alone.
