At 58 years old, having spent five years in her second marriage, a woman finds herself facing unexpected challenges in her relationship. Prior to marrying her current husband, the couple lived together for a little over a year. Before this marriage, she dedicated seven years as a caregiver for her parents. The couple relocated from Florida to Kentucky to be near her husband’s mother, who needed assistance. However, since the move, her husband has become unrecognizable. Though his severe depression has been managed, he exhibits petty and vindictive behavior, often acting like a bully. His obsession with conspiracy theories on YouTube has further strained their relationship.
She confides that she had planned to leave in a couple of years but has observed slight improvements due to her husband’s medication. Nevertheless, she is prioritizing rebuilding her credit and saving money by depositing most of her paycheck into a separate account. Despite these efforts, moving past the recent difficult years remains challenging. Her husband expects her to care for his mother, who had abandoned him as a child, a task she strongly opposes due to her dislike for the woman. She questions whether it is wrong to consider leaving the marriage.
In another scenario, a young gay man in his twenties recounts his experience with a man in his fifties, residing a couple of hours away. For nearly two months, they communicated frequently and met as schedules allowed. He perceived a strong connection and valued the relationship highly, having been introduced to “Dear Abby” by his partner. Suddenly, his partner expressed that he felt only friendship and claimed they were not aligned emotionally, leaving the young man feeling blindsided. He questions if he did something wrong and replays their interactions in his mind, seeking clarity.
He struggles to break this cycle of self-blame and wonders how he can trust other men, particularly older ones, after feeling hurt by this experience. The advice given encourages him not to be too hard on himself, suggesting that perhaps the chemistry wasn’t mutual or his partner met someone new and lacked the courage to be upfront. Regardless, he is advised to accept that they were not emotionally synchronized and to move forward without generalizing his disappointment to all older men.
“Dear Abby” is a column written by Abigail Van Buren, known as Jeanne Phillips, and was established by her mother, Pauline Phillips. More information is available at www.DearAbby.com or by writing to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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